When someone you care about is going through a tough time mentally, it’s natural to feel unsure of what to say or do. But your support — even in the smallest form — can make a huge difference. This guide breaks down how to recognise the signs, how to start the conversation, what to say (and what not to), and how to look after yourself in the process. Because being there for someone doesn’t mean fixing them — it means standing beside them.
Outline
- How to Spot the Signs a Friend Might Be Struggling
- How to Start the Conversation
- What to Say (and What Not To)
- Practical Ways to Offer Support
- When to Encourage Professional Help
- Looking After Yourself While Helping Someone Else
- Final Thoughts: Being There Is Enough
How to Spot the Signs a Friend Might Be Struggling
Mental health challenges don’t always look like sadness or tears. Sometimes, they’re much quieter.
Look out for:
- Withdrawal from social plans or going quiet online
- Changes in mood — more irritable, flat, or emotional
- Saying they’re “fine” but seeming distant or distracted
- Changes in sleep, energy, or appetite
- Talking negatively about themselves or life
- Using humour to mask deeper pain (“I’m just tired of everything lol”)
💡 If something feels “off”, trust your instinct — even subtle changes can be signs.
How to Start the Conversation
You don’t need the perfect words — just care and honesty.
💬 Try something like:
- “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit off lately — how are you really?”
- “No pressure, but I’m here if you ever want to talk.”
- “I’ve been thinking about you. Just wanted to check in.”
Choose the right moment — somewhere private, calm, and free from distractions.
And most importantly: listen. Sometimes people just need to be heard, not “fixed”.
What to Say (and What Not To)
Say:
- “I’m here for you.”
- “That sounds really tough.”
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “Thanks for telling me — I’m glad you trusted me.”
- “Do you want to talk about it, or just hang out today?”
Try to avoid:
- “Just think positive!”
- “Others have it worse.”
- “You’ll be fine, don’t worry.”
- “But you seem so happy!”
- Giving loads of advice when they just need space
Validation is powerful — don’t underestimate how healing it is to feel seen.
Practical Ways to Offer Support
Support isn’t always deep chats and big gestures. Sometimes it’s quiet consistency.
You can:
- Send a “thinking of you” message
- Offer a lift to an appointment or just hang out
- Bring over food or drop a note
- Watch something light together
- Be patient when they cancel plans
- Respect their pace, even if it’s slow
💬 You don’t need to solve their problem — just remind them they’re not alone in it.
When to Encourage Professional Help
You’re their friend, not their therapist — and that’s okay.
Gently suggest they:
- Speak to a GP
- Try a mental health helpline (e.g. Samaritans – 116 123)
- Look into counselling or support groups
- Use online therapy platforms or mental health apps
Try saying:
“Have you thought about talking to someone professional? I can help you find someone if that feels overwhelming.”
It’s not your job to “rescue” them — just to walk beside them while they get the help they need.
Looking After Yourself While Helping Someone Else
Caring for someone who’s struggling can take an emotional toll. You matter too.
🌿 Remember to:
- Set boundaries — it’s okay to say “I need a break”
- Don’t carry everything alone — talk to someone you trust
- Keep up with your own rest, food, and support
- Remind yourself: you’re doing your best
You can be supportive and take care of yourself — it’s not either/or.
Final Thoughts: Being There Is Enough
You don’t need a psychology degree to be a good friend.
You just need to care, to show up, to listen. That alone can be life-changing.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to say, “I’m here.”
That’s where healing starts.
